


Even Today

by mamalove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief Sex, Mourning, Vaginal Fingering, Violent Outburst, plus sized reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 13:02:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17829083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamalove/pseuds/mamalove
Summary: I was watching the episode after Kevin’s death and there’s that scene where Dean just loses it. This just kind of came to mind.





	Even Today

You didn’t like it. You weren’t turned on. You knew anger and violent outbursts were scary and you were scared. This day was so hard and this was just piling on. You flinched as you watched all of the work you had laid across the table went flying. He picked up a chair next and slammed it into the pillar. Splinters flew and the impact knocked him onto his ass. In that moment, he looked at you. You were sitting there on the steps just waiting. A bit of blood started to pour from his forehead and it mixed with the tears that were already falling.

 

“ _It’s_ _my_ _fault_ ” he whispered, voice more gruff than usual.

 

“ _It_ _isn’t_ ” you spoke softly, aiming to soothe. You didn’t dare move or attempt to stand. You knew he would let you know when to get close.

 

His head hung. You watched as blood and tears mixed in a small puddle. His shoulders shaking as he wept. “ _Kevin’s dead. Sam might be. All because of me. Why are you even with me? I don’t deserve...”_

 

 

“ _Hey_!” You cut him off. Still seated but your voice was less than calm “ _you deserve EVERYTHING. You_  don’t _deserve_ all o _f the pain and the losses. You don’t deserve to have to fight to the damn deathevery day of your life. You don’t deserve the weight of the world on your shoulders. You don’t deserve that. But me? Yeah, me you deserve. Someone who loves you. Someone who wants to protect you. You definitely deserve that. Yeah?”_

He’s staring at you as you speak, tears are falling. He wipes a hand across his face, attempting to wipe tears but mostly smearing blood. “ _yeah_ ” he whispers, unsure but hoping you are right. “ _C’mere_?”

 

You stand, he doesn’t. You walk across the room, stepping over the rubble. You drop to your knees beside him and run your hand through his hair. He grabs at your waist and presses his face against the soft of your belly. He’s crying and your crying and grief is so heavy in the room it’s physical. His hand slips under your shirt and up to your breast. You aren’t wearing a bra so it’s just his warm hand against your soft skin and your nipples instantly react. He just fondles it. For comfort really. And you let him. Your hand it still resting on the back of his neck and you slip it down into his shirt. Your nails gently tracing designs, sigils probably, without you realizing. This is all just feelings and hot, heavy breath. He pulls you down into his lap. Your weight crushing against him but he doesn’t notice. He crushes his mouth into yours. Less of a kiss and more of an attempt to swallow you whole. Both of your hands are on his face not to stop him but to help him. Let him devour you. It’s all you’ve ever wanted. His hands still on your soft, fat breasts. Just kneading and flicking your nipples.

He pulls away, rests his forehead against yours. You think he’s going to speak but it seems he can’t. The grief has become too powerful. It’s so heavy and you are both drowning so you cling to each other. “ _It’s_ _ok_. _Just_ _be_ _with_ _me_. _All_ _you_ _have_ to _do_ _right_ _now_ _is_ _this_ ”. And you force him to look into your eyes. You pull your shirt up over your head and his eyes meet yours. They never left. Your breath catches as he pulls you against him. The rough of his flannel against your bare skin. It’s a feeling you’ll never get tired of.

You feel him gently lowering you to the cold floor and the shock of it sends chill across your body. He’s staring at you and you know he just needs to feel you, all of you. So you slide out of your sweats and panties and he positions himself. There’s such a heat to his stare that the floor is irrelevant. He’s kissing you again and you are melting. The warmth is pooling into your stomach and you spread your legs, slowly grinding against him. Your hands under his black t shirt. His muscles are such a force against the softness of you. He’s never cared. He just wants you-all of you. You are lined up and grinding. It’s rough and fast and you are moaning and he’s still fully clothed.

“ _Dean_ , _God_ , _You_ _are_ _going_ _to_ _make_ _me_ _come_ _without_ _even_ _touching_ _me_ ” He grunts in apparent satisfaction and continues his attack of your mouth. His hands have moved from your breasts and are traveling the vastness of your stomach. Softly squeezing the rolls and grinding against you-pressing into you and making you wait. He worshipped the weight of you and God, it felt good.

Slowly, he reached up with one hand, pinning your wrists and as he looked into your eyes, you gave him a nod, and he slipped a finger inside you. In and out, keeping the quick pace he knew you needed. “ _So_ _wet_ ” he whispered. “ _For_ _you_ ” you cried out as he slipped another finger in. His thumb gently working your clit. You felt your orgasm building and smiled at him. Tears filling your eyes. “ _ **Get**_ _**in**_ _**me**_ ” you begged. And so, he stopped his work leaving you on the verge. Your body writhing underneath him, arms and legs just desperately working to pull him into you. He pushed inside you and you screamed. He was so hard and you were so wet. You came almost instantly and he rode with you. Slowing for a moment to enjoy feeling you convulse and close around him, he whispered how good you were, how pretty.

Then he began again. Fast and hard with so much feeling. You pulled at his hair and your legs were up and around him so he pushed deeper and you just couldn’t get enough. It could have been hours or days and finally he slowed and you both yelled and came. You knew coming together was one of those bullshit things that happened in movies but you also knew you both needed a win. Thank Chuck.

He fell off of you, onto his back and pulled you to him. You curled up into his side. Your hand on his stomach and his on top of that.

“ _Hey_ , _you_ _ok_ _sweetheart_?” He always asked. Even today.

“ _Better_ _than_ ” you always answered. Even today.

You both weren’t okay. Not today. Not for a while. But you were together. His arms around you and your bodies close and that would do.


End file.
